


Eggs & Axes Make A Great Team

by AQuietThinker



Series: Brooklyn 99 2021 Prompts [2]
Category: Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV)
Genre: Brooklyn, Episode: s04e16 Moo Moo, Friendship, Gen, Missing Scene, Protective Rosa Diaz (Brooklyn Nine-Nine), Racism, Rosa Diaz & Jake Peralta Friendship, axes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-06
Updated: 2021-02-06
Packaged: 2021-03-17 17:40:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,184
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29229375
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AQuietThinker/pseuds/AQuietThinker
Summary: Missing scene idea: While Terry goes to Holts house to confront him about the denial of the formal complaint against the officer's racist behaviour, Rosa decides to take action. Little does she know that Jake has a similar idea.
Relationships: Jake Peralta & Rosa Diaz & Terry Jeffords, Rosa Diaz & Jake Peralta
Series: Brooklyn 99 2021 Prompts [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2144469
Comments: 4
Kudos: 26





	Eggs & Axes Make A Great Team

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt: I cant help but think that Rosa and Jake would have wrecked that officer's car, in Season 4 Moo Moo.
> 
> Disclaimer: I have only been to New York ones so descriptions might be weird, plus I know nothing about how cars work

The car was an elegant honda, not family sized, with a very shiny shade of white. No extra details, except for a few anti-gun control stickers and country music logo that looked like two birds mating instead of it’s intended design. She smirked when she noticed the new tires, fancy and shining. 

They would do neatly on the side of the road, along with a few smashed windows. 

It wasn't hard to get the numbers of the plaque- Terry had already revealed the asshole’s name and present when he complained about his “apology” ,and she had begun searching percentages. Only a few flirtatious winks with the other station’s secretary had given her his full schedule along with some other tips and information.

Officer Jeff Maldack, badge number one five one six, age thirty seven and a total of six years of experience. He had received two formal complaints on similar situations like the ones Terry experienced but none of them had affected him, and she suspected that there were many others that went unnoticed by his Captain.

But none of this was useful at the moment, except for the fact that he was dating a dumb blonde and he was taking her to a fancy dinner with valet parking in Brooklyn. One of the workers, to her anonymous request, had placed the car in a faraway parking lot, and with a few tricks electricity went down, leaving the area in complete darkness except for her flashlight.

Perhaps she couldn't castrate the prick then bash his head against the pavement, but she sure could destroy his car and embarrass him with his date.

The car looked even delicious in it’s clean glory, probably fresh out of a dry wash, maybe even an interior cleanup. Maybe if she managed to deactivate the alarm she could grease up the smooth leather seats.

She checked on her tools again, feeling each one with her fingers on her duffle bag. Axe, sharpener, a jack, portable saw-

Her hand flew to her gun when a loud crash sounded throughout the empty parking lot. 

Of course nothing could go perfectly. She took the weapon out and discreetly held it against her waist, circling the car until she had a visual on-

“Jake?”

Peralta was crouching behind the car with a tux on and what she guessed was a carton of eggs.

“Rosa! Hi! Whatcha doing here, girl?” he quipped, hiding the eggs behind his back.

She crossed her arms, shuffling the duffel bag behind her. “Could ask you the same thing”

“Well I- there’s this jazzy brunch thing a few blocks away and since Teddy showed it to us, Amy and I just loved it, cause you know, jazz.”

“Brunch?”

“Yeah, you know, like when old white ladies get together to bitch about-”

“I know what brunch is.”

Jake shifted nervously on his feet before jumping up. “What are  _ you _ doing here, Rosa? Didn’t you have a dinner date with Pimento?”

“Dinner date?”

“Don't make me explain things- like having dinner but with flowers, or whatever you do with Pimento. I don't know, eating his face off and biting his-”

“I know what a dinner date is.”

“Oh,” he shifted again. “Well good for you.”

“Yeah.”

“But you didn't answer my question.”

She hesitated, kicking the duffel even farther away. “Hide and seek. Pimento likes to be chased, so we, uh, go around the city at night. I look for him.”

“With a duffel full of knives?”

“There's also an axe.”

They stared at each other for far longer than a minute, ignoring the sound of passing cars or the occasional creak of the sewers.

“So we dump the tires by the highway?”

“Sure. Take care of the alarms and we can pour egg batter on the door’s compartments.”

\- - - - - - - - - -

They worked for about an hour, ripping the car apart from top to bottom. By the end of their labour nearly all of the insides were covered in shining grease and egg shells. The outside had no tires and they had not cared about the noise enough so the doors were covered in axe marks. She frowned when Jake began to slide eggs into the gasoline door but didn't comment on it, deciding to crash the lights and opening the motor up to fill the oil tube with soda.

“Isn't she beautiful?” he spread out his arms happily.

“You’re covered in oil.”

“Don't ruin the moment, Rosa.”

She smirked and turned to fetch her tools.

“Do you think we should leave a written message?”

“Terry would recognize it if they came questioning.” she replied, wiping the egg yolks from the axe. “And we need to leave now.”

“Oh yeah, cool, cool, yeah sure.”

\- - - - - - - - - -

“... filed a complaint about the destruction of his car. It had been brand new. SO if anyone-” Terry’s eyes locked on them both momentarily before sweeping the rest of the officers. “-has any information regarding officer Maldack’s car, report it to me or Captain Holt. Dismissed.”

She stood up but remained leaning on the table, waiting for the others to mutter around the last gossip. However, Terry stopped her and Jake.

“A word?” he said, pulling them both behind the briefing room.

“What’s up?”

“In the report, Maldack complained about how his car had been axed. And egged by organic eggs.”

“Organic eggs? What the hell, Sarge, how could anyone tell the difference.” Jake shrugged with a smile.

Terry wasn't amused. “You tell me, Peralta. Two days ago you were gushing about how your mother was switching to organic. And you, Diaz.” he turned to her. “You're the only one I know who owns an axe in a fifty mile radius.”

“Are you saying that it was us who destroyed Maldack’s car?” she asked.

Terry frowned. “I'm just saying that-”

“It couldn't have been us, Sarge.” Jake interupted. “We both have tight alibis. I was looking for a salsa brunch place for Amy’s mother while Rosa here was with Pimento. Right, Rosa?”

She crossed her arms. “That's right. We spent the night sharpening Chelsea and eating off each others-”

“Who's Chelsea?”

“My knife. Don't you name yours?”

Terry looked mildly annoyed but just sighed. “Fine. I'm sure both of you have enough maturity to refrain from such a… thing. But I'm watching you.”

The both nodded curtly and walked away, but she caught Jake’s exaggerated wink before he tripped over a bin.

\- - - - - - - - - -

A few weeks later she arrived at her desk to see a whole pint of Moose tracks ice cream, tied in a small bow along with some smudges of yogurt. She peeked at Jake's desk, only to see him devouring a slice of Sal’s pizza. She took the container and approached him.

“Did you eat that without knowing who put it there?”

“It's free food!”

Rosa punched him playfully on the shoulder before opening her own gift, tracing the lid with her finger to scoop up any ice cream.

Later, as Terry passed by her desk, chasing down Gina in one of her mysterious breaks, she nodded curtly in approval, and he nodded back. They both understood.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm taking Brooklyn 99 prompts for this series until the end of March! I might take some time to write them, but as long as they're here before the end of the month they'll come (eventually)
> 
> <3<3<3


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